The Beauty of Colorado

It has really been a joy for us to complete our training in the great state of Colorado. When free times come (which sometimes feel few and far between), we have really enjoyed getting out and exploring the sites with our new missionary friends. Here are a few shots from our time here over the last 3 weeks!

 

Posing at the top of Pike's Peak (which we drove up...not hiked!)

Mountains on the way up to Pike's Peak. The tree line you see near the bottom is around 12,000 ft, but the top is over 14k!

Beautiful mountain wild flowers

Our MTI group at the top of the Peak. I have my sunglasses on because this was moments before a bug flew in my eye! The photos preceding this are quite entertaining :)

Did you know Big Foot was a threat in CO?

Exploring Garden of the Gods

Cactus flower

Nate caught this photo of a beautiful butterfly!

Hiking the Reservoir trails in Palmer Lake, just a mile from our training facility.

Processing Grief and Loss

During the third week of our training out here in Colorado, we spend time acknowledging and processing the grief and loss that we are experiencing as we move overseas. Unexpectedly, this ended up being one of the most valuable parts of the SPLICE training for me.

First, we spent time discussing these main areas of our life that we will experience loss:

1. Stable Nest or Home - a loss of the familiar, of a place offering warmth, comfort and safety
2. Safety - a loss of physical and emotional safety and comfort
3. Competence - Who are you when you are stripped of your ability to contribute? This is a loss of being able to be competent in the presence of others
4. Identity - a loss of how you identify yourself in roles here in the States, whether that be family relationships, job, areas of skill and gifts, etc.
5. Support system - A loss of the relational support system we have here, as well as entering into a lifestyle that is a revolving door of relationships
6. Quickly and easily attained goals - Entering into a new culture and ministry means a loss of control over being easily effective in your vocation and quickly attaining your goals

After we discussed these areas, we had the opportunity to walk around the room and write down on large pieces of paper the specific losses we were feeling and anticipating. It was an emotional experience, as I acknowledged my fears and the losses that make my heart ache...the loss of close friendships, my skills and abilities, having my family close by, having the close and in-person support my mom when I become a mother someday, the loss of a home for what will eventually be nearly 2 years in transition, and lots of other losses. Although it was hard to talk about these things, it was also very healthy and cathartic for me to share them with a group of people who are experiencing the same griefs. There was freedom to share in a place of safety and understanding.

We also meditated on scripture that bring comfort and understanding in times of grief. Psalm 139 is one of my favorites, reminding me that God understands my heart and my thoughts, and no matter what side of the ocean I'm on, He is there with me.

Psalm 139: 1-10
You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways. 
Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely. 
You hem me in behind and before, 
   and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.

How can you identify with these feelings of loss when you've gone through a time of transition?

Living in Paradox

Nate mentioned a few posts ago that our MTI training introduced us to the important concept of a "pair of ducks". With every big transition, we experience paradoxical feelings - positive and excited feelings and difficult, hard feelings. To represent this paradox, we have two ducks - a "yay duck" and a "yuck duck". The yay duck represents the positive feelings we're experiencing and the yuck duck represents the sad, hard feelings that we feel at the same time.

When we were visiting Manitou Springs last weekend, we stumbled on a great discovery - a rubber ducky store! So we picked up these two ducks to represent our "yays" and our "yucks". When we're struggling with paradoxical feelings, we can use this concept to discuss and explain how we're feeling.

As we've been processing our yays and our yucks these past few weeks at MTI, here are some of the feelings I've been experiencing:

YAY DUCKS

• After anticipating our move to Austria for over 3 years, I'm excited to finally take the next step!
• I'm eager to learn about Austrian culture and to develop relationships with Austrians.
• Being able to communicate in another language is something I've always longed to do.
• After living in transition for a year, we look forward to finally settling down somewhere and having a place of our own.
• We are excited to join our WorldVenture team and to meet other missionaries in Vienna!
• We feel that God has clearly called us to Austria. We're eager to move closer to our calling there. 

YUCK DUCKS

• We have to say goodbye to family and friends, knowing we may not see them for 3 - 4 years or more.
• We have to start over with building community in a new place that is completely foreign.
• I'm afraid to learn a new language, knowing it will be hard and I will make LOTS of mistakes.
• I will be stripped of my identity in all of the areas where I now feel competent. 
• We hope to raise children overseas. It's scary and sad to think that our kids will grow up without their grandparents close by and that I will learn to be a mom with my own mother far away.

Both of these lists could go on. It's been really helpful for me to acknowledge the existence of both categories, rather than focusing on one or the other. It's ok to feel excited and heartbroken about the transition all at the same time.

When have you experienced a "pair of ducks" in your life?