Processing Through Corona Time

Hey friends, many of you are a couple weeks into our new reality. Some are dealing with job loss, others are struggling with questions about safety at work. These times are really uncertain and difficult. As all of this was getting started, I started recognizing these emotions. I observed myself feeling general uncertainty and heightened stress. Initially it took some processing, until I realized something very important. I've been here before.

I don't mean here, here. I've never been in the middle of a global pandemic that is destroying economies and bringing massive health care systems into real danger, none of us have. But for me personally, living cross-culturally now for over seven years, I have felt some similar feelings. Moving to a new culture and learning a new language can be very stressful and disorienting. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say that I have mastered all of this and can speak with perfect authority. I have found that the tools that I developed for living cross-culturally have been the same tools that have served me through this crisis. And I wanted to share with you some of those tools, but more so, it is a chance for you to learn about yourself and figure out what carries you through a time like this. Who knows, you could be back here again in your life. And it will be good to have some of these tools stored up for later.

My first point is this: your experience is your own. Sounds straight forward but it is good to remember. Everyone responds to extreme stress differently. For some, this time is ultra productive or focuses their mind in key ways. I read that Shakespeare wrote prolifically while under quarantine against the plague. Social media is plastered with people going above and beyond to provide fun and entertainment for their kids. Sourdough bread baking is all the rage. Here is the deal: that might be you but it doesn't have to be. How you process this stress and transition is going to be different from your neighbor or your favorite mommy blogger. That is ok.

Furthermore, this is a chance for you to observe yourself. How do you handle a lot of uncertainty? How are you responding physically, socially, spiritually? This is actually the perfect time to start to observe these subtle changes. The initial shock is starting to wear off. Here in Austria we are into week 5 of the "virus counter measures." What are the things that have been healthy and life-giving to you? What are things that have not been as fruitful?

Here are a couple things from my experience:

The difference between not exercising and exercising for me is palpable.
For me, this can't be overstated. Exercising isn't just about burning calories; for me, it feels like I burn the stress up with it. I can't say this is true for everyone, but for me, I feel so different after a good hard workout. It took me way too long to realize this, and there are still times where I go too many days without exercise while I'm in a stressful stretch. For some, their preferred form of exercise is no longer an option, others live in an apartment where the neighbors wouldn't appreciate someone jumping around and making a ton of noise. We need to be creative in how we pursue physical, emotional and mental health at this time. The bodyweight exercise movement (also the resurgence of calisthenics) can be great options for people with no equipment or limited space. So called "quiet cardio" workouts are also helpful. Find something you like that you will do and fight the stress, literally.

Sleep is also really important. I'm bad at this one. I'm a night owl. I can stay up until all hours of the night and pay for it the next day. But I find I need not just the same amount of sleep when I'm in a stressful season, but I actually need more sleep. I remember coming home from language school and just collapsing on the couch with a full and tired brain. Processing emotions costs energy, and sleep can help us get through these difficult times.

A decrease in total productivity is completely normal under extreme circumstances such as these. We're processing a lot right now. If your expectation was that this time would be a flurry of growth and internal peace, then maybe it is time to modulate some of the expectations. We don't have our normal routines or support structures. We are doing our best to make due with what we have, and we need to give ourselves grace to work through all of this. Prolonged uncertainty is really hard for us. 

My last thought here is be mindful of your use of healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Strike a balance with screens. I'm not opposed to streaming shows or video games. I enjoy both of those things. But we need to be careful how we are using screens to simply numb us through this time instead of actually engaging and processing. We don't need to be constantly pouring out our inner emotional monologues to everyone near us, but we need to make sure to find a balance. We need to remember we are in a difficult situation, and we should be processing it. We need to work through the emotional toll and stress that this time is bringing on us. Not having healthy outlets to process the stress will lead to relational and emotionally unhealthy behavior.

For me, this time has brought a renewed holding fast to the Gospel. Our only hope in this life and in the next is the ultimate victory over the ultimate enemy. Christ conquered death on our behalf. That is our sole source of hope.

Do I Really Need to Learn this Lesson Again?

Patience. It's something that I definitely lack, and I don't think I'm alone in this. I've always been a do-er and a task-oriented person that likes to complete things. This has it's advantages: I get things done quickly and efficiently most of the time. But it's disadvantages are also numerous: sometimes I do tasks too quickly (and not carefully), and I don't like waiting for things to be done. When something is moving more slowly than I'd like, it's tough for me to be patient.

Since August, our patience has been greatly tested with two things in our life: our car and our basement. Even as I write this, these things sound mundane and minor, but I've been surprised how much stress they've caused me and how much I am struggling to be patient with these two things.

First, the car. We purchased the car in early August and it has had persistent problems ever since. It has broken down on the road once and returned to the mechanic at least 5 times for more repairs. We've spent much more money on repairs than we planned, and there have been many days we have not had the car available to use, because it was being fixed. The car story just seems to drag on and on. What's more, driving the car has been stressing Nate out, because he has been worried about it breaking down again. The day he picked Maya and me up from the hospital to come home, the car was sputtering, and he was praying, "God, please just let me get my wife and newborn baby home safely".

Then there's the basement. We had flooding in our basement the night we moved into our house. This was on September 10th, and the basement drying process isn't done yet. A professional company was hired by our landlords to get all of the moisture out of the basement, especially the standing water under the tile floor. Each time a deadline is set to remove the equipment from the basement so we can use the space again, something goes wrong: an appointment is missed, the drying is not yet complete, the devices need to be re-set...you name it. Having these professional drying devices in the basement means that it's approximately 95 degrees F down there, and Nate can't work in his office space. It means our basement guest room can't be used, and we have our first guest coming this Friday. It means the whole basement is a mess, and this drives me crazy. This also means we've been dealing with our renter's insurance company and our landlord's insurance company, which is stressful (especially in a foreign language). We're still not sure who is going to fit the bill for this professional drying process.

I've been asking God a few questions through all of this...first of all, why does all of this stress me out so much? And why do all of these challenging things seem to hit at once, while we're dealing with a move, a new baby and a new ministry? But more importantly, why haven't I learned to be more patient already? Why do I still struggle with waiting and trusting? God, can you help me keep these small things in perspective?

There is something about living cross-culturally that adds a level of difficulty and stress to all of the normal stressors of life. It magnifies small struggles and makes them bigger. This is why we need God's patience and peace to pervade our attitudes and reactions even more. Please pray for us during the times when our patience is tested, that we would display Christ-like attitudes and not our own!

What Keeps You Sane...

Running a 10K race in Atlanta on July 4, 2012

During our training at MTI, we talked a lot about staying healthy while on the mission field. Not just physically healthy, but emotionally, spiritually and mentally healthy. It was reiterated many times to us that it's important to discover the things that you need to stay healthy, the activities that best rejuvenate you and help keep you sane.

When Nate and I were raising support, we tried to regularly make time for things that we enjoyed and that were restful. We needed these things to help carry us through a stressful time of constant transition. It was really helpful for me to discover these things for myself before we got to Austria, so that when life has gotten stressful here, I know how to refocus and how to care for my mind and body in the most effective ways. For me, those things are running/exercising, organizing/getting small tasks done (removing from my space so I can relax), cooking with Nate, and being alone (I'm an introvert!).

Our first month back in Austria this spring was stressful. It wasn't necessarily that we had deadlines to meet or a very full schedule all the time (we were mostly making our own schedule), but I felt an underlying level of stress for several weeks. And now looking back, I can very clearly see why. I wasn't able to spend much time doing any of the things in that list above that help me relax and keep me sane. Our apartment was unfurnished, chaotic and full of clutter, with boxes and furniture assembly happening everywhere. I couldn't fix this and that meant I couldn't really relax in our home. I got sick with Bronchitis for 3 weeks and wasn't allowed to exercise. We couldn't do much cooking, because all we had to work with were 1 small pot and 1 pan. Although from the outside, my life may not have appeared stressful, I realize now that without those things, I struggled to release my stress in a constructive way.

This last week has been wonderfully rejuvenating for me. I have returned to running, we've been cooking with all of our beloved kitchen utensils, our home is organized again, and I've been able to rest and relax. My time with the Lord has improved and become more regular now that my stress level has gone down. Once again, the importance of these activities in my life, the things that "keep me sane", has been re-confirmed. 

I may need to re-learn this lesson over and over again, as we enter new phases of life, but I'm thankful that MTI and support raising prepared me for this. They armed me with the self-knowledge to stay healthy on the mission field.